Sometimes life can get a bit much and you just have to take a step back. And I have tried to do just this.

I realise that I haven't written on my blog for a good few months now. Once I had started my second year of university, I realised that it wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. In my head, I was raring to go and ready to actually kick start my blog and try and make it as successful as I have always wanted. But I had underestimated just how much work I would have to do to make myself like I was actually getting somewhere with my studies.

I have never been good at organising my time. I was hoping that my second year would be different and that I would manage things a lot better, but man was I wrong. It's not that I couldn't cope with the amount of work I had, it's the fact that a lot of the time, I just didn't have much motivation.

I have to admit, at one point I felt like I wanted to drop out and start all over again. Then I thought: "What else would I want to do?". The answer to that = nothing. I couldn't see myself going straight into a full time job. I wouldn't want to. I think the reality is that I'm not fully ready to grow up yet. I still want to spend a lot of time with my friends and my boyfriend, whilst also learning about something that I enjoy doing. I also wouldn't want to just get any random job. I want to know that I will enjoy my career so much that it won't even feel like a job most of the time.

Over these past few months, I have been wanting to write a post on here several times, but not really knowing what to say. I don't just want to talk about what everyone else is, just for the sake of it. I want to know that what I am writing is good, and that someone, somewhere, thinks so too.

Yes this has gotten rather deep, but I feel like I needed to vent my feelings on a platform where not many of my friends know about, if any. As an incredibly insecure person, I feel as though I am being judged 24/7 with everything that I post online. I now only really use Facebook as a place to talk to my friends and share things with them whilst I am away from home. I post on twitter more often, but not too much.

I hate making new years resolutions, as I have found that a lot of the time, they aren't really very realistic for me as a person. But what I have done, is thought of a few changes that I want to make in my life in general, to make these goals seem more reachable:

  • Share my feelings more.
It sounds weird, but as a shy person, I don't really tell people what I'm thinking a lot of the time. Sometimes I even feel like I have to hold back from my boyfriend and my best friend, which I shouldn't. I get scared very easily that I will be judged by them, yet they are the closest people to me.

  • Be more confident.
This one's a bit cliche, right? My whole life I have felt like I've lived in the shadow of my friends. Since starting university, I have gained so much more confidence, but since the start of my second year, I feel like it has been knocked a bit. I need to learn to care less about what other think about me.

  • Be healthier.
Another cliche 'resolution', I know. I do eat pretty well whilst at university (yep, surprising), but I'm going to make sure I am even stricter on my relationship with food. Also, I have had a gym membership since September, and lets just say that I haven't really gotten my money's worth yet.

  • Take control of my anxiety- BE HAPPY.
I have struggled with anxiety for a number of years, but never really felt like I have been in full control of it. Some people think that you can just switch it off, but it can really affect your day-to-day life and they just can't see that. It is a mental health issue that a lot of people do not understand. I am trying to make my life more stress-free, which will help a lot with this. (I will probably be writing a full post on this point).

I thought it would be a good idea to get these down now, so that I can look back and see if I have actually made changes in my life to accomplish them.

Anyway, I hope that everyone has had a lovely Christmas and a wonderful New Years.

I feel like this is just the beginning for this blog now. I am more in control of my life, and I can't wait to see where it is heading.

Thank you for reading,

Paige xo

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